What's up people?!
Well....certainly not me...haha (that was not funny at all). Anywho, I guess this will be another random post where I vent about my thoughts. So as usual I'm thinking about my life and the direction it's going....and well..I am becoming happier with it. I am finally going to have a job I can see myself staying with during school, and I'm continually losing weight which is AMAZING. Also, I am getting my gym membership back and I couldn't be more excited. I even have a workout buddy this time!! I'm so excited for that. However that's not what I've had on my mind all day...there seems to be this annoying thought that I always go back to...oh you want to know what it is? Great question. I keep going back to this thought of getting back into a relationship. Stupid right? Uh...yeah. As much as I would enjoy a guy to enjoy life with, I can't seem to find someone who actually wants to talk to me and keep up with me. I have absolutely no freaking clue why either. I don't usually promote myself BUT this time I have to say that I am a positive, kind, loving, genuine, goal oriented, intelligent young woman. I have so much to offer and no one appreciates that. If they do they sure haven't told me. But you know what? I will continue to progress in life until someone finally appreciates how far I've come and how far I want to go. Oh amd OMG guys!!! You know how in my last post I said that the guy my dad liked wasn't right for me? Well I mean I feel like I'm right, but I still think about him a lot! It's been practically 3 weeks and I seem to think of him quite often. I don't know what it means or what I should do but it's driving me insane. I feel like I should tell him, but that could be a horrible idea. Maybe I'm just overthinking...either way it goes I need a solution for this problem. HELP! Oh oh and a little update on the YouTube thing...I deleted the two videos I made because they weren't the quality I want. Don't worry though I'm getting a good camera soon and videos will be in full swing. For now I'm going to do videos on Vimeo where I just vent my thoughts and post them on here. Think of it as a vlog in a blog <----cheesy. Alright guys I guess that's all I have for tonight. You're all amazing, keep shining, and remember that someone loves you. Peace and love ❤️
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Ok guys...so here's the sitch (KP reference)..haha
Anyway, about two weeks ago I made a video of myself venting about a guy that I liked, and how I thought he was so great and blah blah blah. Well, I also said in this video that I was NOT going to text him because I didn't want to develop feelings for someone who doesn't want a relationship, and who also is horrible at texting back or even saying hello. Now don't get me wrong he's a nice guy, very funny, and seems like he could be a gentleman, but for me after hanging out and having plenty of time to think about the day I realized that he is not right for me, Now I know some people would say "oh but you only hung out one time" although that is true I honestly believe that all the months of texting and FaceTime and every now and then snapchat gave me a good idea. Not to mention I haven't heard from him since...but that's ok. Getting to know someone can be fun and exciting no matter the outcome. When I was younger I always thought relationships were based on physical appearance and nothing else. Just recently I realized that I have only experienced real love one time in my life, and it took him passing away for me to realize that. I'll never forget the last words I said to him....no they were not in anyway positive, and I still regret that to this day. His birthday is next month and just like every other year I will say happy birthday to him out loud. I still have the very first photo I took with him when we finally met in person. Maybe on his birthday I'll write the story about how he and I met because it's a positive memory and a funny one. He has videos on YouTube that I've gone and watched when I miss him, and I still talk about him quite often. Moving on....I have lost a couple more inches off my waist and finally my hips. It took so long for the hips to get with the program so now I want to kick this into high gear. I refuse to let my body go back to the depression body. (That's what I call it.) I beat myself up still about how I look. Lately I have had a few days where I look in the mirror and think "you are ugly, and disgusting...I know I shouldn't but for a majority of my life people have told me that I am not pretty and that I am fat. I mean everyone has an opinion, but that one has stuck with me since I was in middle school. In the back of my yearbook from 8th grade people wrote some things that I thought were funny at the time, but now I realize they were hurtful. I've listened to others for too long, and now that I listen to myself things go so much better. I may not love what I see everyday, but I love myself because I know I'm working on it, and I may not feel pretty that often, but I know that there's some beauty there, I guess you can say that inside this head of mine it's been a horrible mess of thoughts I've needed to get out. Whoever reads this all the way through is awesome! Thank you for reading a horribly written post about my thoughts this past week. I just wish I had people who would actually listen and give feedback to my life sometimes. It would be nice to have one friend. Ok that's it's for today...bye guys!! Remeber to to always stay positive, and remember you are worth something. ❤️ Hey Guys!!
What's been up? How is life going for you? Well I can say that life is going quite well for me. I'm so excited to be writing on here again. I always disappear and come back at random times, but I am so excited because I am going to be doing more with my blog. I want to talk about a certain guy I am friends with, he's so awesome and I love chatting with him, but He has no idea I have had a crush on him since I met him. Is that a little immature to keep from him? Maybe. In all honesty I don't think it is because he doesn't want a relationship, so what is the point of letting him know how I've felt this whole time. Instead of telling him I'll just write about it. That'll get it out of my head. Woohoo! Problem solved. (For now) He's just a great guy, he's funny, kind, honest, and I appreciate all those things about a guy. By the way guys...MY DAD SAID HE WAS A NICE YOUNG MAN. WHAT?! I probably had a mini breakdown when he said that because he's never said that before. I'm not sure what's going on but uh...I am not complaining. I think that's enough about that issue for tonight. I'm sure I'll ramble on about it again soon. I have so much I want to talk about so expect another post tomorrow. I also have an idea for either a blog series or a series on my channel called "late night thoughts" nothing inappropriate at all. It would just be things I can't ever seem to get out of my head when I am trying to wind down for the night, Other than that I'll talk to you all tomorrow!! I hope you have a great day (whatever time it is where you are) and umm...stay positive because someone loves you! Peace and love! ✌🏼&❤️ |
Quote Of the Week"Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's a such thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown." |