Hey, do you have a minute to listen to me? I feel like at this moment I am doing something wrong, or that I am hurting someone that I care about. This whole day has been really sucky. I woke up feeling like something was wrong. When I left for work I forgot my ipod, and my glasses. I got a huge headache and sore eyes from forgetting my glasses, a tummy ache for whatever reason, and I was so bored on my break because I had nothing to listen to. You ever have that feeling where you are okay and you text your significant other and they text back all generic? Well I feel like that was me today. I texted my love and told him that I loved and missed him because I hadn't heard from him like I usually do in the morning. I got a nice I love you text back, but after that the conversation was terrible. I felt more or less like I was bothering him. Since that convo I tried to text him and I still got the same vibe. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel like either he's upset or I upset him in some way. I hate it when I can't figure out what's wrong. Especially with people that I love. It drives me crazy. I'm not sure if I should just give him his space or try and talk to him and see what is wrong at this point. Personally I'm just feeling hurt. I wish there was a restart button on this day. I think I'm just gonna go to bed and forget about it all. It's the only escape at this moment. Whoever was kind enough to take the time to read this and allow me to vent to them I appreciate it so much. Sometimes it's less stressful to vent to someone I don't know rather than someone I do. This way I don't have to hold back anything and I can let it all out. -Peace and Love ❤️
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"The mind is it's own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven." -John Milton Can I start by saying that this quote is completely true. I think sometimes I drive myself crazy with all the contradictions and hypothetical situations I come up with. Some of these things are a result of trust issues, and then others are just because I over think things way too much. Some of these things I can blame myself for, but some I can't. Everyday situations can effect the way we think. I will give a great example. There is a guy I care about, but he did some things that have caused me not to trust him as much. I feel like I need to ask tons of questions just to make sure he isn't lying. Even after he answers them I start thinking "he could have been telling me lies". Instead of leaving he wants to gain my trust and I am letting him try to do this because I feel like we are not done yet. I could be called a fool for wanting to deal with a guy that I can not trust but I know I am not the only one who has ever done this. My example is only one of many I could talk about, but this one has had the biggest impact on my mind. I will not say that I am in a bad place or that I am depressed. I will say however that I have learned so much from things that have caused me to go from thinking that life is all happy and rainbows to knowing that things will happen to make you sad, depressed, guarded, etc. Basically that is just life at it's best. To be honest I can truly say that I have made a hell of Heaven with a lot of things in my life. It could be a very positive situation and then I over think and ruin it. Now I am a more positive person and I try my best to make the most of even the worst situations. I still have my moments where I can go around in circles, but that's just me...an over thinker. -Peace and Love ❤️ "Do it for the vine..." Ahhh nothing like social media to entertain us in our everyday lives. However, the question is: Are they really for entertainment anymore? How much do we use Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc. in our daily lives? Most likely the answer is everyday or every other day. Why do we log on everyday knowing we will see the same stuff? A great example would be Facebook. We wake up do our morning routine and then possibly hop on before going to work, or working out. Then there are the ones who wake up and get right online to see the same stuff that was on there a few hours before. It used to be fun to get online and talk to people, but now it seems as if it is a way of recieving approval from strangers, friends, or even family. Instagram is a huge example of this because people will get on and post a photo and then if it gets no "likes" it will soon be deleted. No approval so it must not be good enough right? Maybe it's not provocative, or funny, or pretty enough to be noticed. What happened to not caring about what others think and actually caring about what you think? Why the need for constant approval? Society has really be transformed by these sites in more ways than one. If we don't post a "selfie" of us working out or eating something healthy we all are obviously not doing anything. If we don't post what goes on every moment of our lives we must be "lame". I keep saying "we" because I realized that I was doing some of the things I have mentioned and I had to take my life back. I won't lie from time to time I will post a photo of something healthy I had eaten or a workout selfie, but not for approval, instead it is all merely a reference I can use as I progress with things in my life. I think if we all took a few days away from our sharing, tweeting, and selfie sharing we would see that we were missing out on so much. I can't tell you enough how much the egos of people around us are blown out of proportion. Wow, you got a hundred or more likes on a photo so now you are just the most beautiful person in the world? No. I am not trying to "hate" on anyone but sometimes you have to be realistic about situations and social media bull crap is one of them. You want to take the compliments people give you online and believe them all? Go ahead, but one day when you are called back home just remember that over half the people you were complimented by or got a like from probably won't be there to mourn your passing. This has been an issue on my mind for a while and I had to let it out. Don't let the websites you enjoy run your life. Instead enjoy these things for what they should be used for....ENTERTAINMENT. Thought of the night: Social media is an addiction. -Peace and Love ❤️ "Relationships require work, trust, and commmunication." There are so many more things that a relationship needs besides those couple things. I'm pretty sure most people know them either before they get into a relationship, or maybe after a bad one where they learn the hard way. I'm not a relationship expert, or some kind of marriage counselor or something; I just know that being with someone and being truly happy should never be heartbreaking. Also, doubts are a huge sign that it may not be the best idea. I mean that's just one thing. If you are with someone and you find something that makes it seem like they are cheating on you what do you do? Well I know that you go through all the emotions. First you are absolutely upset that the person you thought was someone you could possibly be with forever would hurt you, then comes the sadness which of course is accompanied by crying, then there is the occasional denial phase. This is where you try and rationalize things to make it seem like a small misunderstanding. Lastly is the feeling of confusion where you are asking yourself "what do I do?" Or "Forgive and move on or stay and work it out?". Basically what I am saying Is that a relationship like this is not good. Especially if things like this happen in the beginning. Don't stand for it, leave and find someone who can appreciate you for who you are and love you the way you deserve. This whole thing about relationships is leading me to my mini rant...Let's begin shall we? Well this morning my day started off terrible. I woke up saying to myself "I can't do this." Weird? Maybe a little, but obviously it had to do with something in my life at the moment. Then, my day was good. I went for a nice walk in the park and relaxed. That's always a good day. Then I got online as I always do doing my usual social networking thing. I stumbled upon something that intrigued my mind. Low and behold I found something that has left me not knowing what to do. Usually I would be pissed and cursing someone out, but not this time. At first I was really in shock, and now I'm just emotionless. I'm a little hurt because I was letting my guard down just to have to build the wall back up. Next time it's going to take a wrecking ball to bring it down. More or less I have been feeling as if I am setting myself up just to be hurt again, but this time I wouldn't be able to blame anyone else. If what I found today is true then I may just have to sit down and wonder why I didn't stop myself before. Moral of my story: Never give your all right away. Thought for the night: "Do not mistake comfort for love." -Peace and love ❤️ I'm not going to lie. I am hurt right now. I don't want to say anything, but at the same time it will weigh on my mind if I don't get this all out. Here's the issue: I love someone so much and I want to commit to them, but he doesn't. Not saying he wouldn't, but it just hurts to know that we are two completely different wave lengths. I appreciate the honesty don't get me wrong, but it hurts like a b***h. My mind has been a whirlwind of thoughts today since that conversation. If he isn't ready because of certain things, then what am I trying for? Why do I love a guy who is so complicated that it drives me crazy?! This is one of those moments where I could just rewind to the moment I decided to pour my heart out to him and stop myself. My decision tonight was to tell him that I do not want him to contact me for a few days. This way I can get my head together and see exactly how I feel about the whole thing. Am I overreacting? Maybe a little, but I know a lot of people would have been as hurt as I was. I understand honesty is the best policy but damn. I let my guard down and let someone back in to get knocked on my butt. I'm pulling back before I fall on my face again. The guard is going back up and distance will be created. It all may seem super dramatic, but sometimes it just has to be done. Everytime I feel like it could be fine those doubts pop in and then reality slaps me in the face like a car into a brick wall. That's where my mind goes "Don't let love and being alone for so long force you to make a stupid decision." Best advice I have given myself yet. I guess my lesson for the night is basically to think more about what's going on before I do something to make myself feel foolish. Thought of the night: Be Careful. "I don't know what it is but, I love you." You are the one who knows me for who I truly am. You know my flaws. You know my strengths and my weaknesses. We can laugh together, talk about anything, and we can even cry together. With you I feel like there is always something to look forward to. You make me feel so loved, and safe. When I think of you I smile, when I'm going to bed at night I pray for you, and when I am with you nothing else matters. It just feels like we are the only two people and I can just be happy and relax for a minute. The stress of the world is not an issue at that moment. Butterflies and giggles are what I get when I know I get to see you or talk to you. Smiling like an idiot because I have someone that makes me so happy is truly a blessing and when I'm away from you I miss you like crazy. We may have had some really rough times, but we have grown and learned from those things. Through everything we have managed to realize we are made for eachother. I couldn't see myself sharing things that I shared with you. What we have is real. If I could stand on a cliff and tell the world I would! Many people aren't as lucky as we are to find the right one, and I am so thankful to the man above for you. He wouldn't have brought us together again if it wasn't meant to be. Support? With everything. Commitment? Without a doubt. Friendship? No doubt. no matter what I will be there. My heart is and always has been yours. If I had the chance to go back to the moment we met, I wouldn't change a thing. I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you with my whole heart. I am so excited to see what life has in store for us. Until the day we are old and gray and The Lord calls us home I'll be there next to ya. Rocking chairs, walker, power scooter or whatever. You're mine, I'm yours. I love you baby. "Eighty percent food, and twenty percent exercise." I am in such a great mood!!! I fell off my healthy journey for about three months, but it's been a month and I am already seeing results which means I'm doing it right this time. Instead of focusing on just working out, I am more conscious of my food choices. I have always loved fruit and veggies, but I pretty much eat them everyday now. I have so much more energy and my pants are falling off already. That makes me so happy I can't even explain it!! This change was for me and me only. Not to mention I couldn't keep going down the path I was on. My stress levels were high, I was depressed, and I didn't feel genuinely happy. I may have said I was happy, but I didn't mean it. I see such a positive change in myself not only physically but also mentally. It also helped that I am lactose intolerant so cutting out dairy was easy, and I love gluten free as well. It's all so delicious! You can't rely on diet pills or a weight loss plan to see real results. Smaller portions, more water, and just getting up and doing something for an hour or a half hour or whatever you can do will help you completely. That is also because of my love for The Lord. He has helped me through my darkest times. It is possible for anyone to make the change it just takes great discipline and a true desire to do it and stick to it. I wanted to share this with you all because it is a huge part of my life. I'm so happy I have kicked myself in the butt to do this. I feel amazing and this is only the beginning. Thought for the night: If you want it, go for it. Don't wait for it to come to you. -Peace and love ❤️ |
Quote Of the Week"Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There's a such thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown." |